Officer: Yes ma'am, do you know how many sus chords you were using in that hymn?
Me: (slightly embarrassed) A couple?
Officer: No, ma'am - 78 sus chords. I was clocking you the entire way - you abused every chord you could with an added 2nd or 4th. This is highly unnecessary, can shock a congregation, and worse-case scenario: sound like 'smooth jazz'. I' m going to have to cite you for it.
Me: I'm sorry - I didn't realize how out of control I was.
Officer: (hands over ticket) Please be careful. There are children listening.
Fortunately I haven't been caught. Yet.